The hash #crapsuperpowers had made a recent trend on twitter; a topic that should be self explanatory. Below are 30 of the best (or worst) crap super powers recently posted with this hash, along with commentary (for added enjoyment).

1. Precognition of your own bowel movements. PassiveSmoker

When you gotta go, you’ll know.

2. The ability to convert other types of pencils into #2 pencils. anotherflaneur

The makers of ScanTron tests will thank you.

3. The ability to turn nouns into verbs. kaib0rg

How would you architect that feat?

4. The ability to leap toy buildings in a single bound. anotherflaneur

With a little practice, you’ll get there.

5. The ability to see .01 seconds into the future. kelseymalone

Not quite long enough to make a killing on the roulette wheel, just enough to be disappointed a moment before everyone else.

6. The ability to morph into Sean Connory only while watching jeopardy. Vexamillion

You’ll get yours Trebek!

7. To draw lots of attention from the opposite gender, but they’re all gay. ( skSuper

They’ll love you for your personality.

8. The ability to make sculptures from legos. kaib0rg

I hear Lego Land has an opening.

9. Believing your own lies. MistressDidi

Denial’s not just a river in Egypt.

10. The super ability to communicate with fruit. chyld2u

I sense a new series coming to A&E – the grape whisperer

11. The ability to produce cube-shaped poo. Debbidoo

I hear there’s a market in Japan for that.

12. The ability to produce beautiful poetry, but only when attending a cockfight. trashman100

I heard that’s how Emily Dickenson got her start.

13. I have the power to make people think it’s really my fault. chrisnikirk

I bet that power works best on your parents.

14. The ability to hear someone’s thoughts but only when they’re thinking about Richard Simmons. Darren_Erhard

It’s sweatin’ time!

15. The ability to put toothpaste back in the tube. prettycolours

I hope you meant to say “unused toothpaste”.

16. The ability to know what is your dog thinking. aylmer1978

My best guess would be “feed me, feed me, feed me, feed me, feed me”.

17. The ability to change colour to the exact opposite of your surroundings. ILMcL

Why so blue?

18. The ability to know everything but not be able to relate it. morbay32

Dad?

19. The ability to squeeze every last remnant of toothpaste from the tube. 3dg4r

I find it helps if you use the top end of a closed stick of deodorant and drag it across the tube.

20. Your sweat dries into butter. SevenDeluxe

I heard that’s how Country Crock is made.

21. The ability to turn any money in proximity into grass. sroracle

Going green has never been more costly.

22. Any superpower that’s triggered by the use of performance-enhancing suppositories. ImpossibleTweet

Ah, the literal approach.

23. The ability of to set stupid world records. johnysunday

Superdave would Sylar you for that one.

24. A sixth sense, but it’s a sense of decorum. kujawak

The web could use a little more of that one.

25. The ability to see movies free in your mind….twelve years after they’re released. BriannaLinChow

Just 2 more years until I can watch the Matrix!

26. To open plastic bags the first time, every time. audiojustice

It helps if you lick your fingers first.

27. The ability to travel forward in time, or backwards, but only 1 second at a time. ChaseDaAce

Just far enough to be re-annoyed by a single mistake.

28. The ability to read your own mind. abb615

What was I thinking?

29. To be able to sneeze without blinking… semmtex

Currently only Chuck Norris can do that one.

30. The ability to change to the font on any paper merely by touching it. wouldy0ukindly

Times New Roman be gone!

For more on this recently trending twitter topic, simply run a search on twitter for #crapsuperpowers.

Tags: #crapsuperpowers, comedy, funny, Offbeat, twitter