The hash #crapsuperpowers had made a recent trend on twitter; a topic that should be self explanatory. Below are 30 of the best (or worst) crap super powers recently posted with this hash, along with commentary (for added enjoyment).
1. Precognition of your own bowel movements. PassiveSmoker
When you gotta go, you’ll know.
2. The ability to convert other types of pencils into #2 pencils. anotherflaneur
The makers of ScanTron tests will thank you.
3. The ability to turn nouns into verbs. kaib0rg
How would you architect that feat?
4. The ability to leap toy buildings in a single bound. anotherflaneur
With a little practice, you’ll get there.
5. The ability to see .01 seconds into the future. kelseymalone
Not quite long enough to make a killing on the roulette wheel, just enough to be disappointed a moment before everyone else.
6. The ability to morph into Sean Connory only while watching jeopardy. Vexamillion
You’ll get yours Trebek!
7. To draw lots of attention from the opposite gender, but they’re all gay. ( skSuper
They’ll love you for your personality.
8. The ability to make sculptures from legos. kaib0rg
I hear Lego Land has an opening.
9. Believing your own lies. MistressDidi
Denial’s not just a river in Egypt.
10. The super ability to communicate with fruit. chyld2u
I sense a new series coming to A&E – the grape whisperer
11. The ability to produce cube-shaped poo. Debbidoo
I hear there’s a market in Japan for that.
12. The ability to produce beautiful poetry, but only when attending a cockfight. trashman100
I heard that’s how Emily Dickenson got her start.
13. I have the power to make people think it’s really my fault. chrisnikirk
I bet that power works best on your parents.
14. The ability to hear someone’s thoughts but only when they’re thinking about Richard Simmons. Darren_Erhard
It’s sweatin’ time!
15. The ability to put toothpaste back in the tube. prettycolours
I hope you meant to say “unused toothpaste”.
16. The ability to know what is your dog thinking. aylmer1978
My best guess would be “feed me, feed me, feed me, feed me, feed me”.
17. The ability to change colour to the exact opposite of your surroundings. ILMcL
Why so blue?
18. The ability to know everything but not be able to relate it. morbay32
19. The ability to squeeze every last remnant of toothpaste from the tube. 3dg4r
I find it helps if you use the top end of a closed stick of deodorant and drag it across the tube.
20. Your sweat dries into butter. SevenDeluxe
I heard that’s how Country Crock is made.
21. The ability to turn any money in proximity into grass. sroracle
Going green has never been more costly.
22. Any superpower that’s triggered by the use of performance-enhancing suppositories. ImpossibleTweet
Ah, the literal approach.
23. The ability of to set stupid world records. johnysunday
Superdave would Sylar you for that one.
24. A sixth sense, but it’s a sense of decorum. kujawak
The web could use a little more of that one.
25. The ability to see movies free in your mind….twelve years after they’re released. BriannaLinChow
Just 2 more years until I can watch the Matrix!
26. To open plastic bags the first time, every time. audiojustice
It helps if you lick your fingers first.
27. The ability to travel forward in time, or backwards, but only 1 second at a time. ChaseDaAce
Just far enough to be re-annoyed by a single mistake.
28. The ability to read your own mind. abb615
What was I thinking?
29. To be able to sneeze without blinking… semmtex
Currently only Chuck Norris can do that one.
30. The ability to change to the font on any paper merely by touching it. wouldy0ukindly
Times New Roman be gone!
For more on this recently trending twitter topic, simply run a search on twitter for #crapsuperpowers.